The first reminded me of a time when I was in the woods. The trees were tall and frightening, I thought I heard a noise. Thanks to my forward thinking, I had recently purchased a samurai sword and had brought it with me into this place of tranquility. I brandished my weapon in the direction of the noise and cried "WHO DAT!?"
The next time was when I went fishing with my father in hell. The water was blue and serene, The air smelled of butt holes and I thought I heard a noise. I then drew my survival hatchet and beamed it towards the noise. I heard a muffled scream, "AHHHHHHH!"
The time after that, I had recently gone to a seminar about real estate and how I cold make money without spending a dime. Like everyone else there, I was armed and on some amount of drugs. The man with grease on him was up on stage, throwing his arms around and offering people an answer in these unsure times. I thought I heard a noise on the stage behind him. In order to save that man, I took out my Dale Earnhardt Jr. commemorative tactical folder that I had in my pocket and proceeded to flick it at the stage. A geyser of blood came out followed by the cheer of the audience. They went " YAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!'
The fourth time began in the cannibal islands of Mt. Boobs. I was gathering some exotic berries near the shore when I heard a noise. I swiftly turned around to see a blood-covered young man running at me full speed. I thought to myself: Good thing I brought my Enter the Dragon Limited Edition Scythe to help mine for berries. I launched my weapon towards the young man at maximum strength. I heard a man next to me say, "Wow, why the hell did you just murder that plane crash survivor?"
"THANK YOU!" The man gurgled out as he drew his last breath. I heard a noise near my feet. I had just finished ending this man's problem known as living. Using my poison-coated punch dagger for the twelfth time that day. He was a sick man. I made him sick. I knew he was worthy of my righteous indignation. The fifth time happened when I saw a complete stranger on the street one night.
The last time I used a deadly medieval weapon of mass destruction, was at about 4 pm yesterday. I was on my way to the Humane Society to pet some delicious cats when I overheard some people talking. "I'm gonna take them all!" I heard one guy say. "No, all the cats at the Humane Society are mine!" The other shouted. Knowing for certain that there would be no cats left for me, I pulled my centuries old chestnut Skinner from its fabled sheath. I heard a noise... it was my intuition saying, "TAKE WHAT IS RIGHTFULLY YOURS!"
